Emergency Management and Safety

Bullying is aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or emotional. It can involve teasing, name-calling, pushing, hitting or subtle behaviors such as intentionally ignoring or excluding someone or spreading nasty rumors. Bullying is intended to cause distress or harm and exists where there is a real or perceived imbalance of power. Report Bullying.

The key to helping kids is providing strategies that deal with bullying on an everyday basis and also help restore their self-esteem and regain a sense of dignity.

It may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. And you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully. But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult.

Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:

• Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
• Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
• Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
• Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as your school counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
• Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player, don't bring it to school

Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it's happening.

But there are some warning signs. You might notice your child acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things that he or she usually enjoys. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start avoiding certain situations, like taking the bus to school, it may be because of a bully.

If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter, asking "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age.

Let your child know that if he or she is being bullied — or sees it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.

If your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying. They feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening. They worry that their parents will be disappointed.

Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.

Praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.

Sometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend may also be able to give you some perspective on what's happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure out the best solution.

Take it seriously if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told. You may want to talk to the bully's parents. Teachers or counselors are probably the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.

If you think your child may be the bully, visit http://www.pacer.org/parent/php/PHP-c109.pdf

One in five teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship and one in three girls who have been in a serious relationship say they've been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.

Dating abuse isn't an argument every once in a while, or a bad mood after a bad day. Dating abuse (or relationship abuse) is a pattern of controlling behavior that someone uses against a girlfriend or boyfriend.

If you are in a relationship, ask yourself "Does my boyfriend or girlfriend………."

• Call or page me frequently to find out where I am, who I’m with, or what I’m doing?
• Tell me what to wear?
• Have to be with me all the time?
• Call me names, insult me, or criticize me?
• Act jealous, possessive, controlling, or bossy?
• Give me orders or make all the decisions?
• Get angry very quickly, or fight a lot?
• Threaten to hurt me or someone in my family if I don’t do what they want?
• Threaten to hurt themselves if I don’t do what they want?
• Follow me or track where I go?
• Show up repeatedly at my home or work uninvited?
• Check up on me all the time?
• Refuse to allow me normal contact with my family and friends?
• Shove, punch, slap, pinch, kick, or hit me? Pull my hair? Strangle or choke me?
• Touch or kiss me when I don’t want to? Force me to have sex? Not let me use birth control?
• Use alcohol or drugs and pressure me to do it too?
• Refuse to accept that the relationship isn’t working or is over?

If so you are in an abusive relationship. Talk to a counselor, teacher, parent, friend or another trusted person about your situation. If you know someone in an unhealthy relationship, encourage them to talk to someone. For confidential help you can call the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-866-331-9474 or log on to loveisrespect.org.

I have the right to refuse a date without feeling guilty.
I can ask for a date without feeling rejected or inadequate if the answer is no.
I do not have to act macho.
I may choose not to act seductively.
If I don’t want physical closeness, I have the right to say so.
I have the right to start a relationship slowly, to say,
"I want to know you better before I become involved.”
I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others.
I have the right to change a relationship when my feelings change. I can say, “We used to be close, but I want something else now.”
If I am told a relationship is changing, I have the right not to blame or change myself to keep it going.
I have the right to an equal relationship with my partner.
I have the right not to dominate or to be dominated.
I have the right to act one way with one person and a different way with someone else.
I have the right to change my goals whenever I want to.
Crime Prevention Council, 1700 K Street, NW, Second Floor, Washington, DC 20006.

Cyberbullying is the use of e-mail, instant messaging, chat rooms, pagers, cell phones, or other forms of information technology to deliberately harass, threaten, or intimidate someone. Cyberbullying can include such acts as making threats, sending insults, attempting to infect the victim's computer with a virus, and flooding an e-mail inbox with nonsense messages. If you are a victim, you can deal with cyberbullying to some extent by limiting computer connection time (not being always on), not responding to threatening or defamatory messages, and never opening e-mail messages from sources you do not recognize. If you are cyberbullied or harassed and need help, save all communication with the cyberbully and talk to a parent, teacher, law enforcement officer, or other adult you trust. Report Bullying.

• Refuse to pass along cyberbullying messages
• Tell friends to stop cyberbullying
• Block communication with cyberbullies
• Report cyberbullying to a trusted adult

• Never post or share your personal information online (this includes your full name, address, telephone number, school name, parents’ names, credit card number, or Social Security number) or your friends’ personal information.
• Never share your Internet passwords with anyone, except your parents.
• Never meet anyone face-to-face whom you only know online.